It's me.

I check here sometimes to remember who and where I used to be. So weird. I've moved on but I've moved backwards. It's such a strange feeling. Amazing to see that 4 years ago, I was in the same place as I am now, except minus the debt.

So, catch up? Well, worked for 2 years. Moved away. Took on a programming degree that I absolutely hated. Made a ton of great friends and had some great times. Jumped ship before it got too late though and left 7 months in. Spent some time in limbo. Decided to take another stab at it all, this time moving to another city and doing a degree in Game Art Design. Great right? No. Depression kicks in, money drains away and I'm confined to a crappy box of a room devoid of goals and aims. Now on the verge of finishing this year and I'm going to leave again. It doesn't stimulate me. It's a side quest in this epic RPG I'm living at the moment. Unfortunately, the reward is rubbish in my opinion so I'm cutting my loses. I will have to work flat out for probably 2 years in bad jobs to pay off the time of life and the cash I've wasted.
Add a bit of family breakdown, divorce and splitting up with my GF into the mix and, well, meh.

I don't want to be considered a failure but I feel thats the way it's going. I've treated life a bit carelessly and am paying for it.

BUT (Always a but right?)

Action time. Time to man up and get back in the saddle and battle my way to where I want to be. Happy would be a start and a release from all this pressure. So here it goes. Starting now. I'm pretty scared to be honest, "the future freaks me out" to quote one of my old favourite bands but I'm sure I'll get there.

Anyway, all this life jabber? On here? I guess one of my happiest things was creating art without bounds and limitations. Being part of communities and what not. So I'm hoping to get back to this. Back to basics. Back to my creative side. Going to take some doing to find it again but I'm really going to try. I crave the drive I used to have at getting better at what I loved. Some call it reigniting the flame right? I think that's what I want to do. In fact, no more thinking! Gotta stop using my head, full of too much crap!

I just want to sign off by saying to everyone who has kept adding their comments and keep finding my stuff, thank you. Everyone who has sent notes and what not, I apologise for not answering in my absence. Also, to all those friends I lost touch with, MSN on my laptop went to the knackers yard and I just lost patience with it. That was 2 years ago. I really can't say sorry enough for that. Hopefully I will speak to you all again and get back in touch.

So anyway, TL;DR. Life took a nosedive, inspiration lost. Searching again now. Hopefully I'll be able to post my findings in art forms.